My OCD is getting worse. I popped into Tesco earlier to buy some deodorant and haribo (a quick 5 minute trip) and I was in there for 35 minutes because I was rearranging the clothing in the little girls clothes isle by age size and then moving all of the clothes back to their right places and hangers. I managed to also alphabetise the CDs and when asked by a member of staff if I was okay, I just said ‘I am fine thank you, but this is not’ and carried on…
I then went on after this to colour coordinate the herbal essences bottles and then in height order… I walked around the shop twice, going up each isle moving things back to their original places and straightening out the signs and packets so they were neat again.
I only bought things that were £1 - no more no less.
I then walked home clutching my purchases to my chest, got in and washed my hands twice. Then showered.
- Like seriously what even happened to me today, I was doing so well! :/ Rant over…
Having suffered from Mental illness myself, it’s become a lot more difficult for me to go to work this time. I don’t see how I can possibly help people engage and become motivated to do things when I myself, don’t want to engage or be motivated either…
Listening to my patients with all of the concentration I have is physically and emotionally draining, but they need me to be on their side and to help them. I am constantly reminding myself; this is not about me. I’ve met numerous people already over the past three weeks but one has stood out to me immeasurably.
She is 18 and suffers from multiple personality disorder and depression. She has been through a lot of terrible things and when reading her file prior to our first meeting; I was shocked at the devastating situations she has been through!
Then a light came on:
All of this has happened to me. In different circumstances but still. She has lived what I have lived. The only difference is she talking about it and getting help and I am not – through no fault of her own, her past was tearing her apart whereas I choose to not get the help I needed. I choose to let it fester inside and make me feel wretched.
I am the biggest hypocrite ever.
How dare I sit there and tell her what she should be doing and that everything will be alright and that there is a way to move through this with the help of our team? How dare I give her advice that I have not taken myself? How dare I? This girl is reaching out, she is trying hard to get the help she needs so that she can escape the pain of her past and grow and become a healthier happier person. She has got more self respect and determination than I ever had.
I didn’t accept help for my problems and I brushed them under the mat. She hid away but then she blossomed. She spoke up and she is getting better. She is a big inspiration to me but I can’t tell her this. I sit there every time I see her thinking
‘Wow, I just want to hug you and tell you I am so blessed to be here to witness your strength – you think I’m helping you get better, but in turn you’re helping me also if not more than I am, you. Keep going. You’re so brave!’
But I can’t. Stupid. Professional. Boundaries. MEH.
One day I want to be able to see her smile and be happy and mean it; because then I know we can smile together – she is teaching me things I never knew. She is stronger than me because she recognised her trouble and humbled herself to get the help she needs and was not afraid to get better. I have so much respect for her.
I wonder if she will ever know how much this time I’m spending with her means to me?
Working in Mental Health has already made me reevaluate the way I look at myself not only as a professional but as a person. These people are teaching me it is okay to not be okay and to listen to yourself when you feel this way.
It’s not a sign of weakness to ask for help. I’ve always known this but I never put it into practice.
Working in Mental Health is making me recognise that people who are unwell don’t always look it. I sure don’t appear to be when you meet me. Years of theatre training means I am very good at being anyone other than myself. I’ve been able to hide away for so long – but maybe this is why I am here. The idea of working in mental health way always something I found scary because I was scared I’d have to face everything.
This is happening; I’m being forced on a daily basis to face the past – Everything I have hidden away and tried to forget. I am being made to bring it to the surface and deal with it.
Maybe this is my chance to finally get the help I need – maybe this is my chance to finally get healthier and happier; be the ‘me’ God made me to be. Maybe through helping others find themselves a midst illness and pain, I too can find myself and together we can all become well – eventually.
Maybe this is as much for my benefit as it is for theirs.
God is good – Good is SO good… I did not see this one coming…
The real problem with “Love the sinner; hate the sin” is that hate comes so much more naturally to us. If we seek to follow a command to love something and hate something else, we will naturally gravitate toward the hating and neglect the loving.
And when you start hating sin, you’ll find it is oh so much easier to hate other people’s sin — i.e., sins toward which you have no particular inclination — than your own. Which makes you no less sinful than those you judge, but a lot more hypocritical.
I say let’s focus on just trying to “love the sinner” for a while. When and if we get that down — if we learn to truly love sinners as Jesus did — then maybe we can talk about hating their sins.
“First it is an intricate myth that the Church has a lot of wealth. It is the so-called myth of immense wealth. The Church currently has 4% of its original property from which it occasionally gives for the establishment of hospitals, schools, universities, institutions, etc. And now, what it has available, it gives for philanthropic purposes. Often the Church has helped restore the State so that it does not go bankrupt. This is a truth that no one should ever forget. Further, the real wealth of the Church is her theology, her worship and her members, the Christians.”—Metropolitan Hierotheos of Nafpaktos on the “wealth” of the Church. (via musingsofagingerorthodox)
(Firstly I want to say, if you ever need any advice just drop me a message because I will be happy to help - just know that I want to help you understand how you feel and what you want; not necessarily just tell you how you should feel and what you should do!)
I may just be turning 20, but I am already aware that I’m becoming a wise young woman. We all go through difficult staged of life, however unlike a lot of the people, I have gone through a lot of very difficult situations in my life which are not always common and I’ve faced some excruciating situations that I would never wish to inflict on anyone. Ever.
I, some may say, have been blessed to learn such lessons early on. Which is true - I’ve been able to learn new things every time I was tested and I do not regret that.
I have seen and done many things that some people could never imagine and it’s been hard, but I have learnt more in these past 20 years than some have in a life time. I have years of experience and some valuable knowledge, however don’t get me wrong, I know I am not perfect and I do not know everything by any means. I am also not saying I am better than anyone because of the things I have gone through, merely that I understand some things differently to others. This is not for sympathy - this is just to explain something…
So when people ask me for advice, which happens almost daily now a days, I am sometimes reluctant to help…
This is NOT because I want to keep information to myself and be conceited.
This is NOT because I wish to watch others falter and get hurt like I have done. I don’t wish it upon anyone to be in pain
And it most certainly is NOT because I want to feel as though I am better than those who ask for help and be selfish
I have wisdom in areas of life that a lot of people will not necessarily understand, which I do share with those who ask for help, but I don’t always share it.
Why is that? Well…
What would it benefit people if I told them what to do every time they run into trouble? How would me giving them advice encourage them to use their own beautiful minds to explore their own thoughts and feelings…? If I helped them all the time how would they grow?
I don’t mean to seem horrible in any way, but I know I wouldn’t be where I am now if I’d never been forced to go through those situations alone with nothing but my own knowledge and drive.
I am all for sharing what wisdom I do have, but I would never want to cause someone else to deny what they believe in their heart if it means they miss out on a life lesson. I understand more than most how important it is to fall down; because that’s when you learn how to get back up again.
We’ve been asked to leave our house as the owners wish to let it to other people…. Urgh.
Devastating news considering this house is perfect for our needs, especially since my dad has become confined to a wheelchair. We have two months with no money, no where to go and no savings to fall back on. Once we leave, it’ll be my 5th house in 2 years. We’ll have to sign on to get a house from the government which is going to be hard to get in such a short period of time and with such specific needs also. They’ll only give us a two bedroomed house because I don’t ‘technically’ live there due to being at university… We’re all stressed enough as it is; this feels like it may be the last straw to break the camels back.
Lord, please watch over my family. Keep them safe and find them somewhere they can call home. They deserve so much better than this constant struggle…
Sitting in a room of couples talking about how they all got engaged and I’m just sat here like ‘please… go on…’ then we watch pride and prejudice the BBC tv version and I just wanna cry! It’s one of those days! :(
After breaking up a fight between a pensioner and a body builder I think the streets of Leicester are safe for another day… minimal blood shed although I have a major headache coming on! Ah the life of a hero
So I messaged that boy, that I told my feelings about. Well he didn't reply back to that message either but he read it within a minute that I sent it. He did favorite two of my tweets yesterday that I sent him. I don't know what to do. I have been praying about the situation, and I think that God has in my life for some reason but I don't know what it is . I just try to get over him and then he comes back in my life and does something great or kind. HELP!
Gurl I don’t know what to tell you other than this…
People are not flawless - they will let you down, shut you out and cause you to question yourself again and again. They can make you happy one minute and sad at just a drop of a hat. They can make you angry and malicious, think horrible thoughts, but the next you can feel on top of the world because they smiled at you, or said your name. People can forget, give up, be put off by their own failings or failings of others who have let THEM down and shut THEM out. They can be introverted, extroverted, shy or confident. They can show you the world or they can take it away and the funny thing is; they may never know that they’re doing it.
We are human. We are not flawless. We make mistakes and take others for granted. We make things difficult for ourselves, because society says that we should never have it easy. But you know what, if you like this guy - TELL. HIM.
He hasn’t responded to your messages, fine, then tell him to his face. Get it off your chest - you have to look out for yourself sometimes and do what you need to do. You feel burdened by this right? You can’t stop thinking about it right? You get all worked up because someones isn’t giving you a simple answer that you require - it seems SO easy but for some reason they just can’t get it out!
Tell him. Tell him you like him and that he has two options.
1. If he likes you, okay, that’s great! Perhaps pray together and see what happens - he may have just been shy like I’ve said before… OR
2. If he doesn’t - say thanks for being honest now you can move on.
People put so much emphasis on the awkward ‘telling someone you like them’ thing and ‘oh this is going to be so embarrassing’ but seriously, is the embarrassment far more worth it if you finally get the answer you want.
YOU ARE WORTH AN ANSWER. Gosh he is being rude, yes he may be busy, but you are not created to hide away and wait for a reply that may or may not come. You’re created to get on with your own life and do the things you want to do, not sit around and wait for someone to make up their mind. You’re worth so much more than to be left hanging like this. You were honest with him, the least he can is be honest with you, surely?
I hope this helps and I wasn’t too blunt! <3 Lemmi know, kay?
So today at church we were talking about weariness and about how it’s important to know that God has his arms outstretched for us to run into when we are feeling weak - that we are not alone,
Thinking about this in my reflection time I realised something: The word ‘Weary’ really struck a chord with me. I mean, I’ve been incredibly weary lately, more so than normal. I’ve had a mountain of coursework and family problems, group work, financial difficulties and personal life stuff - I have been the very definition of weary with the cherry on top being lack of sleep and motivation.
So I was sat there thinking ‘God, I am so weary. The ‘walls’ you’ve been talking to be about are not the ones I put up to protect myself from other people, they’re the walls I put up to keep you out! Why do I do that?’
God replied - basically telling me I put a wall up between himself and I because I feel like I deserve to be weary, but I don’t have to be. It’s like I think I have to be like this and deal with it alone. The walls I have up are keeping me from experiencing his loving arms wrapped around my shoulders as he lifts my burdens.
Dang near cried at this realisation - I’ve been shutting God out because I think I deserve to be weary and take all of this strain alone and I would just be inconveniencing God with my struggle?! Gosh, Leah, you’re such a ,melon! :O
So I thought about it.. Weary.. Weary.. why does this word resonate with me so much. Then it hit me.
I thought of the old rhyme ‘Monday’s Child is fare of face, Tuesday’s Child is full of Grace, Wednesday’s Child is full ofWOE. I was born on a Wednesday… I am often crying or feeling down trodden but that’s woe, not weary… Think Leah, Think!
My NAME means ‘Weary’ In Hebrew.
Wow. God. you just know how to stun me into silence don’t you. Officially bringing those walls tumbling down - Embrace me Father!
Weary by name, however I will no longer be weary by nature.